


...Porgs?

by jesus_buck



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Drunk!Poe, F/M, Fluff, Gen, M/M, So much Innuendo
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-24
Updated: 2018-05-24
Packaged: 2019-05-13 07:52:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14744876
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jesus_buck/pseuds/jesus_buck
Summary: Poe loves innuendos, especially when he's drunk.





	...Porgs?

The base was quiet, and all was well. You slipped through the empty corridors barefoot, carefully concealing the bulky object beneath your wool jacket. You glance suspiciously over your shoulder as you stop to unlock your door, keying in the code as quickly as you could. You finally relax once you’re inside, the door sliding home behind you. **  
**

Unable to contain your excitement, you rush over to your bed and gently remove the object from under your jacket, bringing it to your nose and inhaling deeply before gently setting it down.  _Oh yeah_ , you thought with a smile,  _this was gonna be a great night_.

You shuck off your jacket, revealing a comfortable long tunic you’re wearing without pants. It’s a little short, but no one would be seeing you tonight anyways. And this was going to be all about comfort. You grab your datapad, hop on your bed, and draw your blankets over your lap.

A few taps on the pad brings up that book you’ve been wanting to read, and as it’s loading you reach to your side and pick up the prize you had smuggled to your room: a double layer chocolate fruit cake. Grinning like a madman, you pick up the fork you had slid onto the plate back in the caf. As you take the first bite, you moan.  _Maker_ , it had been too long since you last had something sweet. Looking forward to a disturbance free night, you balance your datapad on your knees so you can read while you eat.

* * *

You’re halfway through the cake and a several chapters into your book when your commlink goes off, startling you so much that you almost dump the cake and your datapad onto the floor.

You grab the device and mash the button, ready to unleash your wrath on whoever thought it was a good idea to disturb your alone time. But before you can bark out a harsh “Who is this?!?” a giggly Rey sings your name. “Y/NNNNNN!”

Rolling your eyes, you snort. She was definitely well past tipsy… and drunk Rey was adorable. “Hi Rey,” you sing back to her. “Do you need me to come bring you home?”

“No,” she manages, before devolving into another fit of giggles. “But… but your boyfriend might.”

You throw your head back and groan. “What’s he doing Rey?” you sighed, slightly afraid of the answer. You had no doubt that he had had a bit too much tonight: Most of the resistance was out celebrating at a makeshift cantina a few squadrons had set up in the woods a mile or so from base. You loved the man, you really did, but Poe Dameron could  _not_  hold his liquor.

When you get no response, you call to her again. Still no response. “Rey??” you almost shout, a bit more urgently than before.

The commlink crackles to life, but Rey’s voice is replaced by that of a completely sober Jess. “Y/N, you should, um… you should probably come collect your boyfriend. He’s um… well… just listen.”

Through the device, you can hear Poe singing loudly, to a song he seems to be making up as he goes. You don’t catch much of it, but it definitely mentions x-wings, the first order, the General, his girlfriend, and… porgs?

Shaking your head, you stand up and begin to pull on your leggings. “Can you keep an eye on him Jess? I’ll be there in 15.”

“Sure thing,” she laughs, “but I’m not responsible for anything that happens between now and then.”

She can’t see you, but you grin anyways. “You’re the best, Jess.”

* * *

As you reach the edge of the clearing-turned-makeshift-cantina you quickly survey the group, looking for your troublesome pilot. You finally spy him on the opposite side, draped over Finn and Rey, while Jess blocks him every time he tries to take off.

Chucking to yourself, you make your way across to them. He’s very animated, and talking with his hands. The man was always a touchy-feely drunk, so that wasn’t surprising. What was surprising was that when you were close enough to hear him, the topic of conversation was porgs.

“Come on guys,” Poe slurred as you drew near, “I have an AMAZING porg!” Rey laughed, while Finn looked confused and Jess dramatically covered her ears.

“Dameron, this is information I do NOT need to know,” Jess shouted.

“Wh-Where’s Y/N?” Poe asks excitedly. He looks around frantically, but when he doesn’t see you his gaze locks on Finn.  “Finn… Finn, buddy, you gotta… you gotta go find them! They’ve seen… they’ve seen it! They can tell you all about my porg!” he gushes.

The look of mortification on Finn’s face would have you doubled over in laughter, but whatever Poe was talking about couldn’t be good if that was the reaction it was eliciting. Quickly stepping up behind Jess, Poe’s face lights up when he sees you.

“BABY!” he practically screams, launching himself at you. You stagger under his weight, but manage to prop him upright as he hugs you. “I missed you baby,” he sings as he nuzzles into your hair.

“I thought you said you were only gonna have a couple drinks tonight, Poe,” you chide lovingly.

He rolls his head, and fixes you with his best smile. “Aw baby, I did only have two! Times… times…” he frowns in concentration, thinking. “Five ! So… so…”

“Ten?” you finish, quirking an eyebrow at him.

“My baby is so smart,” he grins, caressing your face with his hand clumsily. “Oh! Oh! You’re here now, you gotta tell… you gotta tell everyone about my porg!”

Shifting him so he’s leaning on your side instead of practically draped over your front, you turn to him. “Your what, Poe?”

“My PORG” he stage whispers to you, as the others look on in amusement. Why did you get the feeling they knew what he was talking about? And that this was about to get weird quick? Eyes wide with confusion, you shake your head at him.

“You know…” he continues, bobbing his head awkwardly, “my porg. The one… the one that lives…” he inclines his head down towards the ground, and suddenly you understand.

“Poe Dameron” you hiss in disbelief, eyes wide. “Are… are you talking about your  _PENIS_?”

He smirks, nodding his head “Y-Yeah! Go on baby, tell them! Tell.. tell them how amazing my porg is!”

You can feel your face turning 50 shades of crimson, and Jess and Rey are in hysterics. “Go on Y/N,” Jess gasps out between snorts, “tell us all about the Commander’s porg.”

“Ohhhh-kay, Poe, time to get you home,” you state firmly, attempting to lead him away. But he plants his feet and holds his ground.

“No… no… Y/N, tell them how great my porg is! How it’s fat and… and cute and makes… and makes you so so happy!” he slurs excitedly.

“Ok, that’s enough, Poe,” you assert, letting go of him. He stumbles, but regains his balance and throws you his best pouty face. It quickly changes to a look of sheer excitement when you turn your back to him and motion for him to hop up.

As soon as he’s on your back, arms around your neck and legs around your waist, you nod to Jess, Rey, and Finn, and jog off towards the base, ignoring Poe singing “they're gonna pet my porg tonight!” as you push through the crowd.

* * *

Halfway back to the base, you pause. Something is jabbing you in the back. “Poe,” you question, turning around to face him as best you can, “are… are you seriously turned on right now?”

He grins at you dopily. “All… all the talk about my porg got him excited, baby.” You groan, and unceremoniously set him down.

“That’s it, you’re walking,” you say, starting to stride away from him.

“Wait… baby wait!” he calls, grabbing your wrist and drawing you back to him, cuddling you against his chest.

He leans forward, breath hot on your ear. “So… so there’s no one around… you… you wanna sit on my porg?”

You spin around, lazily tracing patterns on his shoulder. “Y’know Poe,” you hum seductively, leaning in so that your lips brush against the shell of his ear. His face morphs into a goofy grin and he begins nodding excitedly.

“I’m not doing anything to you if you keep calling it your porg.” You finish, punctuating it with a chaste peck on his lips.


End file.
